"I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees." -Emilio Zapata

Life is hard. Grace Young is tired. Grace Young feels alive. I have a lot of papers to write. I spent like, two hours on my Chinese project. Yes. I'm writing now. AFSCME is difficult. I am mixed up about the workers no longer going on strike. I don't think the word disappointment cuts it, because that is selfish and it is about them. I can't help being selfish. I am sleepy. I just feel like I lied to a bunch of students in class room announcements. Like a stole their information for pledge cards and am hoarding them in Ton's backpack. But it is good. I like having a co-intern. I expect that is what it is like to have a co-chair. I just like productivity. I like productive people and healthy eating.

I drew this a while ago, but it's perfectly fitting considering my morning. Woke up at 7, went driving in my car to practice. Brought my grandma to get her blood drawn. Went to eat a Chinese breakfast (totally delicious!). Came back home and took a small nap. Got up and went to the dentist where I proceeded to get my wisdom teeth yanked.



Since then I have been chillin.

So I have been significantly signed out. That and I have been trying to get things together. Between EAP stuff and essays, I haven't had a lot of time off. That, and I have been developing the habit of watching TV. I really like this show Chowder on Cartoon Network, but I don't really get to watch it. It's always on when I have class, or meetings, but when I do I am really excited.

I also watched about two and a half hours of the Real World: Hollywood. While I am very disgusted in myself, I have been thinking that I totally want to go on that show. I would like to go on. Just for the kicks. Maybe. It's just so totally devastatingly disgusting-- I love it.

Aside from that stuff, Jesse and I did the official officer transition stuff. I'm done with it. Well, in the sense that I will no longer be on board. It's freeing.

Okay, so I am going home now. I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow. I am almost a hundred percent sure. But then again, we could have another crazy dentist mishap. Pray no. These babies need to leave!

Peace.

I have five minutes left in the space that I allotted myself.

What is the point in being an English Major? Okay, that totally rhetorical. I should be studying a trade. Not how to write B+ papers. I know that English grades are completely arbitrary, but I simply cannot mentally define what a good paper is. I don't know what a good sentence is. This is made clear by my totally un-flowy blurbish shlupt.

Ugh. It was totally worth it though. My voice is heading out the door on a hoarse (ha ha ha) because I chose to heal my soul for the past few days. It's hard to juggle so much, but I know that humans are so fucking resilient and don't you forget it.

Okay. So I totally do not make sense right now. I just wanted to check in. YO!!!!!!

Ages and ages ago, there was a time when darkness, as a concept, was not evil. Darkness was the night, the soil, the strongest trees, the womb. Mysterious but nourishing, alive, full of power. White was for death and sickness. Thousands of years later, civilization, slavery, societal hierarchies, xenophobia, fear of disease and ignorance have flipped the script, so to speak.

Read the entire article here.

Somethings are better left private. I think that those moments, people, and images are the ones that are worth remembering.

My life is okay. Sometimes I think that I am too stuck in my ways. I should be more open minded and embrace this college experience, but I think I sometimes wish I could reverse progression and growing up in my life. I'm not sure where I am going with this..

So, to liven things up, here is a scary picture I found of Katherine McPhee from an ad on yahoo's weather.

Soooo I feel kind of bad because I really have signed out of pretty much everything sans APSA. I applied for a job at a store today, and had to send in pictures of myself! Horrible! Whatever though. I do need a job away from what I think is my reality.

I feel very awkward in my current living situation. I am not sure where or when communication and positivity disappeared, but it has just become strained relationships under one roof. I don't feel too bad, I know that I am leaving soon, but this kind of negativity makes me anxious to leave for anything and creates anxiety at the thought of returning "home".

Lately I've allowed negativity to bleed into my personal life. But a weekend home with family make me remember that living with people doesn't have to be drama, but it can be warm and loving. Sma and I talked everything through and through. He is a good person and an ace bf. I'm telling you.

This is just a minor thing that I will quickly write about before spending 20 minutes on an essay and biking off to the AFSME meeting:

For one summer session, they only allow you to take 10 units in total. Five weeks, ten unites. While I understand why they would put a cap (so that students can actually pass), I find it pretty fucking ridic that there is one! Units are so expensive!!! But there is a note that the UC is encouraging people to take summer sessions because they will only charge you for 8 units.

NEWFLASH. It does matter how many units you take! UC's don't charge you by units! Community colleges do! I should be allowed to take a bazillion units if I want to and can prove that I can do it. I want to take 12 units. I'm going to see my counselor tomorrow morning. Thank GOD she loves me.

Summer session 2. H8 Irvine. Sort of. KAY!



MEANS NOTHING! GR8 SONG.

So these past few days have been way better. I think that there is an energy that comes from the razzle dazzle of campaigns and crazy referendums. I appreciate how people can out when there is real tangible work with results that seem quite possible. I'm just thankful for amazing friends and family from different campus and at UCI that are stepping up now.

I've been focusing on friendships outside of work. Or what I consider work. My work. I think it's really good to heal outside, and have these outside perspectives. But I think often I'm too tired to say much. In a good way. It helps me be a better listener, and that something I've always tried to work on.

It's hard when I see people in relations that mirror what I had before. I don't want to be bossy, deny people experience that are validly theirs, but I don't like to see this repetition of sadness. I don't like people being lonely.

I think that I feel sad when I notice that I am alone. But I am not really alone. I don't think that I am leave behind able. You know?

I love the way things have been going. Granted, it's only Tuesday night, but if these good vibes can keep going until the end of the year, I'll be happy. Or happier. Happy.

I've been really just feeling instead of thinking lately. It's about positive energy and good auras instead of calculated conversations that leave more out that in. It's this inclusive love thing. I don't know. I've been spitting some stupid ass shit in these past few days, but I've been feeling it. Okay!

I'm just good. Good.. Good.

Thank you.